There is a complex about lesbian relationships that asks the question: Who is the male and female in the relationship? However insulting this question can be, I am finding there are certain power struggles within female to female relationships that may feed into this misconception. So today I am wondering, who’s the boss?

Let’s get one thing straight right from the beginning, I am a motherfucking princess. Please envision me saying this with a big smile by the way. My current girlfriend who remains unnamed is my queen. I am completely thrilled to cook her dinner, prepare her lunch for work, do the laundry and the majority of the cleaning around the apartment. BUT I refuse to do the dishes. Is there a compromise to be had? I am not sure yet, but one thing is certain and that is my queen is not happy.

I have always been a large believer that gender roles can ruin a relationship, especially when two aggressive personalities come together. To me the Utopian society isn’t realistic nor does it work. Figuring out what works best in a relationship, whether romantic or not, is a defining moment in that specific relationship. And to keep things level when you do find what works is a challenge to say the least.

Lesbian relationships are notorious for labelling women to being “the guy” or “the girl in the relationship”. I am guilty of doing it myself as I feel I am femme and I love more masculine women. However, I am finding that whether a person is in a heterosexual or homosexual relationship the relationship needs WORK. It is too easy to date someone and fall into a power struggle. I don’t want to run the relationship and I don’t want it to run me. So where is the in-between? It can be very difficult to meet half way when you have become accustom to doing things your way.

So I may have to bow down to my queen this time, but I intend to give some time for her to reflect first. I am in no way defeated, but I refuse to remain silent for too long with someone I am in love with. You know the saying, if there is a will then there is a way. I believe in that strongly. I also believe relationships should be give and take, and as long as you’re not the one always doing the taking you should let the other “win” (lack of many better words). Life is entirely too short for negativity that could be avoided. Bite your pride as long as you’re not going against your values. I’m still a princess and I absolutely adore my queen.


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