I wish there was a universal rulebook for relationships. I think there would be a lot less stupid arguments in a relationship if there were. One thing that is a constant struggle in my current relationship is fairness. Fairness involving trust, the way we speak to each other, the time we spend together, and the decisions we make in our relationship, just to name a few. Sometimes I wonder if it’s best to just walk away, not away from the relationship itself but from the problem at hand. Maybe the relationship itself is the problem at hand, but for now at least I ignore that possibility.

How does one play fair in a relationship? Here are some fair ways that I can think of, which also mostly relate to me specifically in a relationship:

  • Do not think in terms of “ME” but in terms of “US”
  • During a disagreement you must LISTEN & THINK before you speak
  • Be MINDFUL. What is good for you may not be good for me and vice versa.
  • It is OKAY to not agree on everything. Sometimes we need to just LET IT GO.
  • What you do good for others I may like too, so try to remember that you love me and please treat me equally.

Fairness is not just an issue in lesbian relationships. It has happened even during my two long term relationships with men, yes, but this story in depth is for another post. It is difficult to play fair without hurting someone’s feeling, getting your own feelings hurt, or even worse – breaking up. It makes me wonder, do WE need to get over ourselves? Do WE place too much importance on our own needs and less on the needs of the ones we love the most? When one person can see the “light” of fairness and the other cannot, or will not, it seems like a self fulfilling prophecy.


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