Queen and I will be going on our first “vacation” in a few days to my home state of New Jersey. I am really excited for her to meet my friends, some family, and get to know me better by where I’ve come from. I think she is really excited as well. My mom managed to use her hotel points to get us a free hotel room for two nights, and that works for us!

I am nervous for Queen to meet my mother. My mom has been an alcoholic for many years. It is really embarrassing for me because I feel like she’s always drunk, or buzzed at least. She won’t admit she’s got a problem with drinking, she’s gained at least 30 pounds, she overindulges in food, and she can be extremely judgmental.  My mom also doesn’t know that I am gay. She absolutely is not ready to hear it. She’s the only one in my immediate family that doesn’t know I am gay. It bothers Queen a bit, and I totally can understand why, but I just cannot tell her right now. It’s not the right time for her to find out.

Queen coming with me to New Jersey means more to me than I can even begin to explain. I told her the other night that she’s the first and only girl I have ever been in-love with, and it’s so true. It scares me a bit because it’s so new, both the relationship itself and me being out (mostly) gay. I haven’t even been out a year! Where I came from in New Jersey there are predominately gay men. I only ever had one lesbian friend and that wasn’t until college, and she was ONLY a friend. It wasn’t until I started seeking out other women online and going over to Philly to the lesbian bar (that’s now closed), that I even began dating women. I know this will sound completely horrible but sometimes (I’d say rarely) I get nervous around Queen giving public displays of affection. Going to New Jersey I am afraid I’ll feel it again, but I am making it my goal to fight those negative feelings. I am in love with Queen and I will hold her hand, kiss her, and flirt with her all over my hometown!

This all makes me so nervous for our visit in a few days. Wish me luck!!

Have any advice for me?


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