Urban Dictionary defines the ‘Stone Butch’ as, “A masculine female-bodied person who strongly disassociates from zir body, to the point that ze does not allow zir female parts to be touched or sometimes even acknowledged. Definition can be extended to include emotional untouchability or extreme masculinity”. (I don’t know what’s up with the “zir” and “ze” language)

I have only recently discovered the definition of this lesbian type. It reminds me of a woman I saw briefly last summer. I will call her Chanel. Chanel was a large reason why I moved to Western Mass. I was unemployed when I first came to Mass to visit family for the summer. I ended up exploring the lesbian community here and refused leave it behind. There is also more job opportunity here and I found a job within two months. I currently am very happy with my career development since. I met Chanel online, like most women I’ve dated since arriving to Mass. She began my love for Connecticut women.

Chanel lived outside of Hartford, worked at an auto-body shop, and shared her duplex house with her dog and cat. She was short, about 5’4. I am 5’8 by the way. She had buzzed cut hair, olive skin complexion, flat chested, and looked more like a young man than a 33 year old woman. I remember her crooked front teeth and thinking if we ever made it official in a relationship that I’d ask her to get invisalign. Chanel and I were dating for maybe a month and a half. I fell pretty hard for her. I wanted to see her all the time. I was even thinking about ways I’d ask her to let me move in with her. Yes, I am obviously a U-Haul Lesbian. Whatever.

Chanel is a “stone butch” because whenever we’d have sex she never let me touch her, and she was very adamant to use a strap on all the time. That was my second strap on experience and my last. After being with Chanel and using the strap on I decided that I am completely done with dick. No thank you, straight women you can have it all.  I went down on her one time and that was solely because she was wasted drunk. This experience also made me realize I need a woman who likes being a woman. As much as I love someone going down on me in every way, I equally love giving it back to someone. Also, at this point in my lesbian journey I had only been with two other women. I was making myself available and dating, but not many lesbians wanted to be “my first”. There is a large worry within the community about being someone’s “experiment”, and they believed I was “bi-curious”. I can understand this worry now, but I feel I was meant to be a lesbian all along. I just wasn’t in the right environment. Props to Western Mass lesbian community!! 😉

And as you can guess, the definition of a “stone femme” is:

“A sexual identity held by Femmes who do not touch the genitalia of their partner during intimate relations. ”

In the end, Chanel was unwilling to commit to me. It was a good thing because not only am I  not meant to date “stone butch” , but Chanel never even made me orgasm!!


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