Today is Sunday, and Simon and I slept in after not getting back from the beach until almost midnight. She helped me moved some furniture from my storage unit to a smaller one. I treated her to lunch in my favorite lesbian town of Northampton. We walked around a bit and saw the botanical garden at Smith College. Then we went to a bar for two drinks. When we got back to my place we smoked some weed, swam in the pool, took our dogs for a walk, and picked fresh kale from the garden. As I was preparing the kale to be cooked, Simon came into the kitchen and told me she was leaving.

I didn’t say anything at first. I knew this time was coming, but she was suppose to spend tonight with me too. Simon wasn’t suppose to leave until Monday afternoon when I leave for work. I responded, “okay” to her. I didn’t want to hear the reason right away, because I assumed it had everything to do with the girlfriend. Simon asked me to not hate her, and to hate her only after she leaves. Then she asked me to walk her out to the car. I said no and told her I wasn’t going to walk her out because I wanted her to stay with me tonight. She said, “things got deeper than I expected and that’s why I have to leave”. I asked her once more to stay, but she said she couldn’t. I stayed in the kitchen cooking the kale while Simon packed her car, got her dog, and left. There was nothing I could say or do to make her change her mind. I already knew she wasn’t available.

I didn’t expect this to hurt so bad. Simon and I had a connection that I wasn’t anticipating. And it’s obvious to me that the feeling was mutual. My heart hurts tonight.

After Simon left I felt frozen in time. I hoped she would be in my bedroom when I returned, but she wasn’t. She hasn’t called me either and I don’t expect her to. And I will not contact her. I refuse to set myself up for another heartbreak. Simon came out of nowhere because she is not my typical “butch” type. Simon wears pretty bras and underwear, bikini to the beach, and some eye makeup.

I am going to miss her…



Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s